Enough Is Enough!

Today, was not a great day! My family has been through so much over the past years, and most of our issues have been related to me. I try to stay oprimistic and even be humorous about my medical luck! But today I have reached my breaking point! Recently my mom was diagnised with Parkinson's and she is only in her fifties. I worry about her and feel helpless being 2000 miles away! I hate that so much! This afternoon I found out that my Grandma is in the hospitol and that she is not doing well. I believe it is complications with a tumor? Sunday night I had sypmtoms that made me think I was having a stroke. I thought that I might die, and contemplated leaving Nick a note by my bed explaining what had happened and what he would need to do. I eventually fell asleep and gratefully woke up the next morning! I immediatley called my doctor and they had a cancelation and wanted to see me that morning. He was concerned about the numerous symptoms and sent me to have an MRI on Wednesday! This morning I went along as normal. I sent kids off to school, and straightened up. I got the twins ready for school and took them to the gym where I had a satisfying workout! So satisfying that I decided to go tan. In the tanning bed my music on my mp3 stopped and rang instead. It was the doctors office calling me! Lying naked in great vulnerability, I was told that the MRI showed A large white mass in my sinuses. (a tumor) Horrified tears welled up in my eyes as I began to choke down a huge lump that instantly formed in my throat. In shock I listened as she transfered me to the neurologist who then said the next available appt was January 13th, 2009! Still in shock, I did not ask questions, i just agreed to the appt and hung up! I got dressed, though still feeling vulnerable and in shock, I picked up the twins from daycare and took them to school. I called Nick and just fell apart! I feel so sorry for Nick that he married such a lemon! Too bad there is no lemon law on wives! We have been through so much and I am not sure how much more I can take! I crave normalcy and the boring facets of life that have been denied of my family, and in large due to my ailments! I have decided to post this because I have a great number of friends and family who love us, and are concerned. This is still very new to me and I am trying to deal with it's ramifications! I am ashamed that again I am causing my family pain and I wish I could just erase this crap and start over. Eventually I will come to terms with this but in the mean time, the support of my friends and family is imperative. Thank You for your love and concern and we will keep everyone posted as this saga unfolds. I am not a passive person, never have and never will be, therefore, I will be getting my MRI results and finding my own doctor who will see me before the 13th. Slowly I am beginning to see that whatever the situation, I know no matter how hard life gets or how done I feel, the lord will give me the strength to fight this and to conquer yet one more obsticle. I am very blessed, and for this I am grateful! My faith is strong and my trials have given me great insight as to the purpose of life! This is no different, I am a beginning to see that our trials don't define who we are, but our response and courage to those trials give definition to our purpose! Thanks again for all the love and prayers. We will keep you posted! Enough is Enough, but hey, " It is What it is! Right?"